Staying Sane

when all about you are loosing it!

Yes! It's been one of those weeks. Little unpleasantnesses. Traffic snarls (what else is new), had to pay taxes out of my LOC - clients are also dealing with financial shorts, the housekeeper twisted the vacuum cleaner chord so I must replace it and the dog has allergies. Sigh. How do I keep my head above water when there doesn't appear to be a raft to grab?

Well, don't swallow the water. Keep dog paddling. Watch for the logs floating by and hold on to the one that will keep me afloat. In other words, make do with what is available. Don't get overwhelmed by the annoyances because there will always be something to challenge the evenness of life around me.

To prepare for the week I took myself to a special gathering this morning and I have just made gazpacho. Yum. The treat was a gathering at The Church in Ocean Park celebrating Juneteenth - the day news of the Emancipation Proclamation reached Galveston, Texas in 1865. While the Proclamation was actually signed in January 1865, the slaves of many states did not learn of this action until June and because that news reached various communities on different days, it is celebrated as Juneteenth, rather than on the 16th or 19th of June.

Recipe for Gazpacho in the next blog.

Another one on Getting through today

It's gotten worse. I have the shorts, as it were. Clients not showing up, others dropping out because they lost their insurance and everyone else wanting their own chunk of change. Taxes here, office rent there, and more tea for the office. And the dog needs to be fed and get his rabies shots.

Those are only the financial stressors. I know they will stabilize - and I will get through this money crunch. My mindfulness practice keeps me focused and even helps to keep me less overwhelmed with worry. I remind myself, when I start chewing on fears of being tossed out of my office that at this very moment here, I am okay. I keep breathing. I take another deep breath, and take the dog out for a walk.

Believe it or not, it does help. I recognize the things I can control, accept the things I cannot change and see the difference between the two. It's what people in 12 step programs call the serenity prayer and what I call radical acceptance.

At this moment, that's all the guidance I have. Keep breathing.

Culture of Trauma

Trauma. It's a word, an event, an experience that creates overwhelming fear for your life or the life of someone dear to you. It might be a personal event so terrifying that you can't shake the fear even though it has ended. Trauma is unpredictable and frightening. It may be the fires here in Southern California or the horrors of the conflict in Iraq.

How do we live with these overwhelming feelings? What can we do to let go of the enotional intensity?

Breathe. First start with where you are. Ask yourself: "at this very moment, am I safe? Can I tolerate the place, physical and psychic space in which I find myself at this very moment?" This instruction and this question is the beginning of finding a moment of safety in this overwhelming world. Be present. Stay here. When your mind begins to move to the fearsome possibilities that are out there, bring yourself back to this very moment. Stay in this moment which is safe.

Breathe. Gently let your breath keep you in this safe moment and the gentle place in which you are now sitting. Breathe.

Trauma, Fear, Uncertainty

Trauma, fear and uncertainty: words with which we are confronted daily. Perhaps you have just been told that your department is being downsized (terrible word). Even more painful, you have been asked to stay while some of your colleagues are told to leave. You watch as people pack their desks wondering when will you be asked to leave AND you still have a job. For how long?

In this environment of uncertainty it is important to care for yourself and for the people you care about. How do I care for myself when I am feeling so overwhelmed? Breathe. At this very moment you can take care of yourself by being busy helping your colleagues. Be sure you know how to reach those people with whom you worked so that you can share resources.

Share your own uncertainty and fear. Your partner, spouse and close friends need to know how you are and what is happening with you. Their support is important in this time of change. Ask for help. Sometimes the most important support is simply in finding the right person to listen to you. You can offer the same resource to your friends.

Breathe. Ask yourself: "at this very moment, am I safe? Can I tolerate the place, physical and psychic in which I find myself at this very moment?" Stay in the moment. When your mind begins to move to the fearsome possibilities that are out there, bring yourself back to this very moment. Stay here now. Breathe.

Taking Care of Yourself

Are you looking for support because you haven't found a professional to help you get over your depression? Or attempting to support a client who is unresponsive to your most skillful guidance?

I work with individuals who have struggled with intense psychic pain for years and have developed some tools that have proven effective in lessening their discomfort. I want to share my experience with consumers and clinicians and this blog is an opportunity for me to develop this information into a format for that purpose.

I invite comments from bloggers: as a consumer share the experiences that have not worked for you; as a clinician ask questions about the tools you need to effectively support your own clients.

The very first thing I tell my own clients is: breathe. Feel that calming breath going all the way down the the bottom of your spine and with the exhale feel the tension leaving your belly.

Come back into this room. Feel yourself safely seated and take a deep breath. Breathe and, if you can, softly smile.

Welcome

Welcome to my beautiful new home!

I'm glad you're here and hope you will find support and answers AND I want to hear your reponse to anything that might be on this blog.

If there are topics about taking care of your psychic health on which you wish information, have questions or comments, please tell me.

Thanks for being here. Keep coming back.

Susan

Breath. You'll feel Better!

The first place I start when confronted with the facts of a lower income for the coming week is to remind myself that my mortgage is current, that the home owners' dues do not have to reach the management office for another week and I do have food in the fridge and thirty pounds of dog food.

Then I talk myself through a "Three Minute Breathing Exercise". My objective with this exercise is to bring myself back to this very moment and to give myself three minutes of quiet breathing to simply stay right here in this very second.

The three minute exercise (you can make it shorter):First, seated in a comfortable up right position, acknowledge that you have a thought that is disturbing or painful. Breathe

Then sit with that thought and feel the places in your body where this thought is felt. Are your shoulders stiff, do you feel a knot in your stomach, are your fists clinched? Breathe.

Finally, let go of attempting to fix everything and allow your body to feel your breath moving into those tight areas. Let those worry thoughts drift away as you listen to your breath. Breathe.

Take a deep inhale, slowly release. Feel yourself seated and take another deep inhale, then exhale and get back to your day's activities.

The Economy: Words to make anyone nervous

It's a beautiful day, the birds are singing. Why do I feel miserable?

Well, not exactly miserable but every time I hear another comment about unemployment figures, see empty stores or even listen to my clients talk about layoffs, I get anxious.

My bills aren't overwhelming and I'm pretty good at staying within my spending limits. These facts are really key to my staying in the moment when I am surrounded by all the worrying media, talk show rants or TV images that remind me of how fragile our financial world is.

I can't change the facts of financial uncertainty but I do have the capacity to keep myself moving forward. The reality is that we can each take steps that support ourselves and soothe the intensity of worry with which we are surrounded in these challenging times.

Keep breathing.

Just Following Buck and Ben

A wise woman once counseled me that doing a job, getting somewhere or just getting through tough times means following Buck and Ben. And who are Buck and Ben, I demanded in my eight-year-old skepticism? Why this is Buck, she replied lifting her right foot and here's Ben she stated as she raised her left foot.

That's what it's all about, one step at a time. Just follow the single steps you must take to keep moving forward. It's staying still that prevents our moving out of our problems. However, if we reframe that word "problems" and identify them at "challenges" we don't get overwhelmed with the thought of obstacles with which we are surrounded.

So we're back to getting through today or this new week or simply remembering that each step we take is a step forward for resolving the challenges this day presents.

Keep breathing.

Cleaning is Great Therapy!

It's something that doesn't get done and when you've lived with the stack of newspapers or the dog fur on the carpet for a while, it's easy for forget that the dog fur and the papers aren't part of the decor.

The roar of the vacuum startled me as I pushed it across the floor and the dog began his attack on the machine. The amazing experience was that the carpet actually looked bright and clean as the dust and dog fur were sucked into the machine.

The satisfaction of seeing a room with a cleared floor and furniture without the black dog hair was real. What a nice feeling to have a house that supported my need for quiet and calm.

Breathe. Cleaning is only one of many steps you can take to remind yourself that you are in control of you.

More later.

It's not about having the most

It used to be that success was about having the biggest or the most or earning the highest . . . Today it's about making lemonade out of lemons.

If your bills are paid and the dog or cat don't need an emergency visit to the vet you are doing fine. If the mortgage is current and your electricity and phone are still on, you're in good shape. Who'd have thought just a few months ago people would be looking at 101 ways to fix pasta? Hey, I happen to really like pasta, so there.

All the uncertainty today makes it hard to get down to the basics of what we really have and how we must stay right here in the present moment. Sometimes these worries get so overwhelming that we forget what really matters is having a place to take a hot shower, a nice cup of good soup and a warm place to sleep.

When you can remember the real value in your life isn't going to come from that beautiful vehicle or that weekend in Jamaica or the newest pair of Manolos. . . the significant possessions in your life are not those items you can't sell today but your good health or that person who is truly with you during these chaotic times.

You worked very hard and got this far. You must give yourself credit for what you have achieved and know that it is the same skill that brought you to this point in your life that will make it possible to move through these next weeks. You have a choice lemons or lemonade!

What to do when the therapist is away

I was supposed to be away this week. The phone didn't stop ringing. The e-mails kept coming and I was here. There were not classes to teach nor clients to see and I still had calls from people at the office and I was at both USC and UCLA this week.

Everyone needs a break. It's really important to get away from the texting, the phone and the e-mail. It's very easy for me to remind everyone else, my students, my clients to take a break but what about me? Finally, I did it. Yesterday I got an amazing massage that lasted for even more than the hour and a half I had scheduled. And today - no phones only the sounds of the birds cheered by this beautiful day.

Listen to yourself. You usually have the answer to how to take care of yourself if you take the time to really hear what you need. That information comes from that place within yourself called wise mind. You actually do know what you need. The hard part comes from being willing to take the steps you recommend to yourself.

Follow your wise mind. Breathe. Take a break. That break can be something as simple as looking out the window at the bright sunshine and listening to the sounds. Lay on your back on the floor, with your bottom next to the wall and your legs up the wall. Breathe.