Melt downs. This month just completed has involved painful emotions by everyone in my group. Stability has been reached and people are feeling more committed to keeping their heads above water.
Avoiding hospitalization and keeping themselves safe is our primary focus rich now. Finally, I can breathe a sigh or relief that everyone is safe. Everyone is keeping her appointments and with all the pain floating throughout our world they are today more willing to inch forward toward management of their excruciating pain.
What has happened to make it possible to feel more grounded within this painful environment? First, our focus is on staying in the most narrow of the present. What is happening in this very moment here that requires intense response? While we can't change those environmental or external conditions, we can change the way we respond.
We again learning how to stay in this very present moment with the emotions we are feeling and are learning how to lower the intensity of those emotions.
Breathe.
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday, May 8, 2011
A whole Semester!
I have been so lax - I have spent the past four months preparing for, writing for and teaching my classes in the School of Social work at USC(So. Cal.). Classes are complete for this Spring semester at USC and all that's left is the grading. Sigh.
It has been a truly wonderful semester that taught me as much as I offered my students. Now I get to sort through all the lessons in order to understand what I gained and to enhance the courses for Fall. There is nothing as exciting and simultaneously, as satisfying as participating in the development of new members of the health care community. It is in this experience I get to offer my own experiences as examples of what to do and what to avoid when supporting our clients.
And, yes, the clients - it's always two steps forward and sometimes two steps back. Sometimes it's only one step back and sometimes my clients actually graduate from the hard work of learning how to make the strong choices that demonstrate they are taking good care of themselves.
More later about my lessons and the skills my clients have learned and the next steps in the changes that are ingrained in the work I do.
It has been a truly wonderful semester that taught me as much as I offered my students. Now I get to sort through all the lessons in order to understand what I gained and to enhance the courses for Fall. There is nothing as exciting and simultaneously, as satisfying as participating in the development of new members of the health care community. It is in this experience I get to offer my own experiences as examples of what to do and what to avoid when supporting our clients.
And, yes, the clients - it's always two steps forward and sometimes two steps back. Sometimes it's only one step back and sometimes my clients actually graduate from the hard work of learning how to make the strong choices that demonstrate they are taking good care of themselves.
More later about my lessons and the skills my clients have learned and the next steps in the changes that are ingrained in the work I do.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
She's quiting. Again
That's what happens with my clients. It's hard work. They begin to feel a little stronger, better and even begin to experience a little joy and then life rears it's ugly head and it all feels too much. The desire to shop - not a little nickel dime shopping but some big thousand dollar splurges - or the urge to do some type of self harm - cut or burn - or the desire to break the three month sobriety all become overwhelming.
All of which is part of the process of getting better. Those urges will be there AND in order to continue the healing process my clients MUST sit with that awful feeling. The wonderful part of sitting with that awful urge is that they do survive the urge. Even when it is at its strongest and most painful, the client can choose to maintain her/his sobriety or her abstinence from the harmful behavior.
She or he is stronger for having sat with the urge and has even earned the right to be very proud of her or him self for taking such good care. Getting better is not easy and is not pain-free, but it can be very freeing and the client learns how to be proud of him/herself for such healthy behavior. Oh, yes, she got through that urge to break her sobriety and kept her next appointment.
All of which is part of the process of getting better. Those urges will be there AND in order to continue the healing process my clients MUST sit with that awful feeling. The wonderful part of sitting with that awful urge is that they do survive the urge. Even when it is at its strongest and most painful, the client can choose to maintain her/his sobriety or her abstinence from the harmful behavior.
She or he is stronger for having sat with the urge and has even earned the right to be very proud of her or him self for taking such good care. Getting better is not easy and is not pain-free, but it can be very freeing and the client learns how to be proud of him/herself for such healthy behavior. Oh, yes, she got through that urge to break her sobriety and kept her next appointment.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Re-Up Now
When I was growing up in South Carolina I saw that bumper sticker everywhere. It refers to re-enlisting in the Army. There was a huge basic training post very close to my hometown and cars, baseball caps and even notebooks of friends sported that phrase. Obviously when I was growing up I was not about re-enlisting or even enlisting. Yet, here I am re-upping for another summer with the women and men who are preparing to go to Afghanistan.
I am experiencing a bundle of emotions and excitement about joining another group preparing to serve this country. I am eager to be with those individuals and their families - ranging from the littlest children through the siblings of the soldiers to their parents. It is such a satisfying experience being able to offer a kind ear and a warm handshake. I am also anticipating sadness, anger and fear for these soldiers. They will be part of the surge going to Afghanistan in the very near future.
I will focus on sharing my skills for breathing and staying in the moment. While I can't prevent the painful experiences these individuals will experience, I am hoping some of the tools I will share can be supportive.
Breathe. More to follow.
I am experiencing a bundle of emotions and excitement about joining another group preparing to serve this country. I am eager to be with those individuals and their families - ranging from the littlest children through the siblings of the soldiers to their parents. It is such a satisfying experience being able to offer a kind ear and a warm handshake. I am also anticipating sadness, anger and fear for these soldiers. They will be part of the surge going to Afghanistan in the very near future.
I will focus on sharing my skills for breathing and staying in the moment. While I can't prevent the painful experiences these individuals will experience, I am hoping some of the tools I will share can be supportive.
Breathe. More to follow.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Dear President Obama
Daily I am listening to the enormous criticism raining down on you and your administration. I am angry that even the people who are ready and eager for change should be so disrespectful of the enormous job you have accepted.
Your willingness to tackle such nasty, huge and complex problems is not only impressive, but reassuring. Your ability to accept responsibility for taking each step to implement change is mature AND wise.
I support your desire for change and I am doing what I can to make my own small space more receptive to change.
Thank you for being so competent and willing to be such an incredible model for adult behavior. Thank you for being my President.
Respectfully submitted,
Susan T. Lindau, LCSW
Your willingness to tackle such nasty, huge and complex problems is not only impressive, but reassuring. Your ability to accept responsibility for taking each step to implement change is mature AND wise.
I support your desire for change and I am doing what I can to make my own small space more receptive to change.
Thank you for being so competent and willing to be such an incredible model for adult behavior. Thank you for being my President.
Respectfully submitted,
Susan T. Lindau, LCSW
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
His x-box, Her Cats, Flood Insurance
Her cats eat the plants. What can she do to protect the plant she is picking up on her drive back home? Maybe a philodendrine placed with the aloe vera she is retrieving. The cats might stay away from that poisonous plant, then again, cats can be clever. Her flood insurance has gone up. Last year the floods kept her in her home for six weeks but, fortunately there was no damage.
We talked about these issues and how well her son had done in his training to become a Medic. She was deservedly proud. He had not done well in high school; in fact, he had just barely graduated and then he got this assignment when he enlisted and he has shone. She talked about how proud she is of his taking on this assignment and she talked about how relieved she is that his father is also down range. They may even be together in Afghanistan.
And there were the tears. Her son is being deployed tonight. At midnight. He is nineteen years old. She was embarrassed when she became tearful and then she said, "Oh, it's okay for you to see them. You're the person with whom I can cry."
She expressed in her simple observation the job for which I am at this Army base. She is an Army wife AND mother. Her experience and her training have prepared her for her husband's absence and her son's deployment and she has intense feelings for which the military culture has not given her permission to display. I am with her at breakfast and I can admire her strength and I can see the intensity of her fear for the safety of her son and her husband. My job is to validate these powerful feelings and to remind her of the impressive job she is doing to take care of her son and her husband.
Oh, yes, the x-box. She will take her son's x-box to his high school pal to use while the son is in Afghanistan.
We talked about these issues and how well her son had done in his training to become a Medic. She was deservedly proud. He had not done well in high school; in fact, he had just barely graduated and then he got this assignment when he enlisted and he has shone. She talked about how proud she is of his taking on this assignment and she talked about how relieved she is that his father is also down range. They may even be together in Afghanistan.
And there were the tears. Her son is being deployed tonight. At midnight. He is nineteen years old. She was embarrassed when she became tearful and then she said, "Oh, it's okay for you to see them. You're the person with whom I can cry."
She expressed in her simple observation the job for which I am at this Army base. She is an Army wife AND mother. Her experience and her training have prepared her for her husband's absence and her son's deployment and she has intense feelings for which the military culture has not given her permission to display. I am with her at breakfast and I can admire her strength and I can see the intensity of her fear for the safety of her son and her husband. My job is to validate these powerful feelings and to remind her of the impressive job she is doing to take care of her son and her husband.
Oh, yes, the x-box. She will take her son's x-box to his high school pal to use while the son is in Afghanistan.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
It's All About Being Prepared
Being prepared for the predictable: equipment and knowing how to reach each other through e-mail, cell phone, twitter or even the family blog. And then there's preparing for the predictable, unpredictable: the new baby will arrive while he's deployed or the six year old will get strep throat while staying with the soldier's mother. Or even the being prepared because the soldier is deployed during the Jewish New Year and mom wants the two little girls to go to services at a congregation near this Army base.
All of these situations have been presented to me in the past two weeks. I am a problem solver so I eagerly take on the challenge of finding resources that will help the stateside family members move through these issues. The objective is to insure that the soldier doesn't also have the added stress of family situations she or he can't control.
Sometimes the best solution is simply to get the family members to talk to each other. This conversation can ease the frustration of not knowing for the distant member as well as for the parent or grandparent and even the child who is here in the states.
As much as I rail against cell phones, the ability to contact each other, to speak to her spouse or his mother is a very powerful tool in managing the stress of these deployments.
Keep breathing.
All of these situations have been presented to me in the past two weeks. I am a problem solver so I eagerly take on the challenge of finding resources that will help the stateside family members move through these issues. The objective is to insure that the soldier doesn't also have the added stress of family situations she or he can't control.
Sometimes the best solution is simply to get the family members to talk to each other. This conversation can ease the frustration of not knowing for the distant member as well as for the parent or grandparent and even the child who is here in the states.
As much as I rail against cell phones, the ability to contact each other, to speak to her spouse or his mother is a very powerful tool in managing the stress of these deployments.
Keep breathing.
Friday, July 10, 2009
A Red Bird and a Black dog
As I talked to an officer in the middle of a rotation to Ft. Bragg from an assignment in Hawaii when a cardinal flew by us. It was a breathtaking experience. I responded with amazement and our pleasant chat took a turn to the much more personal. I explained how awestruck I was by the appearance of the red bird. This is a bird that is not seen in California and it has been years since I saw one that close. How wonderful that something so natural could create such a powerful connection.
Later I turned the corner around the building on my exploration and exercise around the family resources center and saw another officer walking a stunning black lab that was wearing a blue service dog halter. I had to ask him about his dog and I learned the wonderful story of how he had acquired his dog. Because Pilot had failed his test to become a guide dog for a non-sighted person, he was available for this soldier who is recovering from his own injuries, to adopt. A dog who was unable to achieve the level of skills required for one job was available to support this man in learning how to live as the person he has become as a result of his was experience.
How wonderful are healing powers we find in our world when we are receptive to them.
Later I turned the corner around the building on my exploration and exercise around the family resources center and saw another officer walking a stunning black lab that was wearing a blue service dog halter. I had to ask him about his dog and I learned the wonderful story of how he had acquired his dog. Because Pilot had failed his test to become a guide dog for a non-sighted person, he was available for this soldier who is recovering from his own injuries, to adopt. A dog who was unable to achieve the level of skills required for one job was available to support this man in learning how to live as the person he has become as a result of his was experience.
How wonderful are healing powers we find in our world when we are receptive to them.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
What Makes a Lie a Lie?
What makes a statement a lie? First there is the obvious - the information given is not accurate. The most frustrating lie though comes from information withheld. Figuring out the truth in a statement that is not factual is often easier than understanding what is accurate when the speaker has not responded completely.
I have been chewing on this topic for several days as I work with various degrees of accuracy I hear from my clients. How do I teach these individuals to communicate with integrity? I request accuracy; responses are factual and without judgment. No value assigned to information provided. I direct people to reframe statements so that they include only accurate details without judgment. Emotions can be a powerful influence on honesty.
To learn clear truthful communication, examine the following thoughts. What does it mean to be honest with yourself? How can you be truthful and care for yourself if you are always worrying about taking care of someone else? The only way to guarantee your own integrity is always to be accurate in communication with yourself. The place from which to initiate integrity for yourself is with yourself. We can't always depend on genuine honesty from other people, but we must be able to invest in the truths we tell ourselves.
I have been chewing on this topic for several days as I work with various degrees of accuracy I hear from my clients. How do I teach these individuals to communicate with integrity? I request accuracy; responses are factual and without judgment. No value assigned to information provided. I direct people to reframe statements so that they include only accurate details without judgment. Emotions can be a powerful influence on honesty.
To learn clear truthful communication, examine the following thoughts. What does it mean to be honest with yourself? How can you be truthful and care for yourself if you are always worrying about taking care of someone else? The only way to guarantee your own integrity is always to be accurate in communication with yourself. The place from which to initiate integrity for yourself is with yourself. We can't always depend on genuine honesty from other people, but we must be able to invest in the truths we tell ourselves.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Telephone Calls: To Answer or Not
The phone sounds that double ring that lets me know it's client. Two doctors on Grey's Anatomy are just debating going into the on-call room. We all know what that means. AND I have to answer the phone?
That's my own debate. I know how to talk to my clients, how to reassure them and how to discourage them from doing anything to hurt themselves. Is it fair that I should now interrupt my evening to use these skills? Of course I do answer the phone. They know I will stay on the phone for only ten minutes. As a result, they present their problems concisely and immediately.
After she has described her crisis, I ask my client what she has done to take care of herself. Right Now. We discuss suggested alternatives from her skills notebook. She is usually able to offer steps that are exactly right for her.
While I serve as a sounding board, these telephone calls give the client an opportunity to experience her own power in managing intense pain. Once we have identified a satisfactory solution and agreed on action she will take, the telephone call ends. She has found mastery and feels safe. In ten minutes or less, my client has found a way to tolerate her pain, in the moment.
Oh, yes, at the conclusion of this conversation, I am able to pick up Grey's Anatomy where it was paused. Because it is recorded, I avoid advertising and can answer those calls without missing the guilty pleasure of that wonderfully mindless fluff.
That's my own debate. I know how to talk to my clients, how to reassure them and how to discourage them from doing anything to hurt themselves. Is it fair that I should now interrupt my evening to use these skills? Of course I do answer the phone. They know I will stay on the phone for only ten minutes. As a result, they present their problems concisely and immediately.
After she has described her crisis, I ask my client what she has done to take care of herself. Right Now. We discuss suggested alternatives from her skills notebook. She is usually able to offer steps that are exactly right for her.
While I serve as a sounding board, these telephone calls give the client an opportunity to experience her own power in managing intense pain. Once we have identified a satisfactory solution and agreed on action she will take, the telephone call ends. She has found mastery and feels safe. In ten minutes or less, my client has found a way to tolerate her pain, in the moment.
Oh, yes, at the conclusion of this conversation, I am able to pick up Grey's Anatomy where it was paused. Because it is recorded, I avoid advertising and can answer those calls without missing the guilty pleasure of that wonderfully mindless fluff.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Lying Part III: Does it Really Matter?
What happens when a client lies? How do I feel if I suspect s/he is not telling me the truth? Will this inaccurate information get in the way of my working with her or him?
I have a client who regularly exaggerates events in her life. She tells me about the elegant Hollywood parties she is catering. I want to accept this report a factual but she is unable to tell me about the menu or the kitchen in which she will cook. As a former caterer, I have suspicions that this party may not exist.
Another woman reveals only limited information about events in her life. This omission is another form of lying. I am unable to effectively support her in learning to solve problems in her relationships or employment. How effective can I be as a professional, as her counselor, if she does not give me a valid picture of her life?
When I call her on not giving me a complete picture, she stated she wants me to see her as managing her life. I wonder out loud, since everything is going so well, what purpose is served in seeking my support?
Her answer does not produce more accurate information but does motivate her to tell me that she’s afraid she’ll be rejected if she’s not perfect. I don’t use the term "lying" when I discuss the way these clients provide information. I use the concept integrity. For me, Integrity is the foundation for all healthy relationships.
I have a client who regularly exaggerates events in her life. She tells me about the elegant Hollywood parties she is catering. I want to accept this report a factual but she is unable to tell me about the menu or the kitchen in which she will cook. As a former caterer, I have suspicions that this party may not exist.
Another woman reveals only limited information about events in her life. This omission is another form of lying. I am unable to effectively support her in learning to solve problems in her relationships or employment. How effective can I be as a professional, as her counselor, if she does not give me a valid picture of her life?
When I call her on not giving me a complete picture, she stated she wants me to see her as managing her life. I wonder out loud, since everything is going so well, what purpose is served in seeking my support?
Her answer does not produce more accurate information but does motivate her to tell me that she’s afraid she’ll be rejected if she’s not perfect. I don’t use the term "lying" when I discuss the way these clients provide information. I use the concept integrity. For me, Integrity is the foundation for all healthy relationships.
Friday, May 29, 2009
List Making
Making Lists
something I rarely do
and yet so very reassuring
Measuring out my life with check marks for tasks completed
What do I list
tasks to complete
calls to make
groceries to buy
and when they are checked off
what have I accomplished?
measures based on numbers of tasks completed
a life contained in the activities that
can be counted and measured
so reassuring
tangible
not abstract
visual and contained.
something I rarely do
and yet so very reassuring
Measuring out my life with check marks for tasks completed
What do I list
tasks to complete
calls to make
groceries to buy
and when they are checked off
what have I accomplished?
measures based on numbers of tasks completed
a life contained in the activities that
can be counted and measured
so reassuring
tangible
not abstract
visual and contained.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Taking Risks
Which one is harder? Finding a new job or finding the right place to live? Yes being is love is hard but that's a whole other type of challenge and that experience involves sharing and willingness on the part of two people to communicate.
Having a job and a place to live are basic needs that must be met before you can do the hard work of managing painful emotions. In order to learn how to live with intense emotions, you need a living space that makes you feel safe.
If you are sharing your living space (not a partner, but a roommate) with someone who understands your privacy it is because you communicated your needs. Expressing your basic needs in a shared space begins with your knowing what you must have. For example, if you are someone who needs quiet after 10pm, you must be willing to state that priority and you must hear your roommate's desires as well so that you share healthy, supportive environment.
Make a list of what is important to you in your living space and in the individual with whom you will share that space. Sometimes you must make adjustments to your priorities. For example you may find the perfect physical space in the right neighborhood but you must also be comfortable with the person with whom you will be sharing space. What are you both willing to give in order to live together?
Be willing to compromise. Stick to your own values. Take care of yourself and stay mindful of what really matters to you. Know yourself and what is important to you.
Keep breathing.
Having a job and a place to live are basic needs that must be met before you can do the hard work of managing painful emotions. In order to learn how to live with intense emotions, you need a living space that makes you feel safe.
If you are sharing your living space (not a partner, but a roommate) with someone who understands your privacy it is because you communicated your needs. Expressing your basic needs in a shared space begins with your knowing what you must have. For example, if you are someone who needs quiet after 10pm, you must be willing to state that priority and you must hear your roommate's desires as well so that you share healthy, supportive environment.
Make a list of what is important to you in your living space and in the individual with whom you will share that space. Sometimes you must make adjustments to your priorities. For example you may find the perfect physical space in the right neighborhood but you must also be comfortable with the person with whom you will be sharing space. What are you both willing to give in order to live together?
Be willing to compromise. Stick to your own values. Take care of yourself and stay mindful of what really matters to you. Know yourself and what is important to you.
Keep breathing.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Taking Care of Yourself
Are you looking for support because you haven't found a professional to help you get over your depression? Or attempting to support a client who is unresponsive to your most skillful guidance?
I work with individuals who have struggled with intense psychic pain for years and have developed some tools that have proven effective in lessening their discomfort. I want to share my experience with consumers and clinicians and this blog is an opportunity for me to develop this information into a format for that purpose.
I invite comments from bloggers: as a consumer share the experiences that have not worked for you; as a clinician ask questions about the tools you need to effectively support your own clients.
The very first thing I tell my own clients is: breathe. Feel that calming breath going all the way down the the bottom of your spine and with the exhale feel the tension leaving your belly.
Come back into this room. Feel yourself safely seated and take a deep breath. Breathe and, if you can, softly smile.
I work with individuals who have struggled with intense psychic pain for years and have developed some tools that have proven effective in lessening their discomfort. I want to share my experience with consumers and clinicians and this blog is an opportunity for me to develop this information into a format for that purpose.
I invite comments from bloggers: as a consumer share the experiences that have not worked for you; as a clinician ask questions about the tools you need to effectively support your own clients.
The very first thing I tell my own clients is: breathe. Feel that calming breath going all the way down the the bottom of your spine and with the exhale feel the tension leaving your belly.
Come back into this room. Feel yourself safely seated and take a deep breath. Breathe and, if you can, softly smile.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Today's Toughies
Today I saw patients with whom I have been working for some time. The question is how do I support these individuals in learning to tolerate their fears and have the peaceful life they each deserve. I have learned that so many of our fears arise out of lessons we learn as children. We learn to be afraid of the things our parents tell us are fearful even when those fears are unrealistic. It is scary to take risks but we must take risks in order to move forward with our lives. The unknown is frightening. We cannot control the environment - people and physical - but we can learn to trust ourselves. This trust is the foundation of being willing to take those chances.
My job is to help these clients to take risks. Through these risks, going to a party, making a telephone call, and the big one, asking for help, they develop a solid foundation for trusting themselves. Being willing to experience fear is very powerful. Willingness means that the individual is open to participating. Willingness does not remove the fear but is allows him or her to see and feel that the feeling of fear won't kill them.
Today I saw patients with whom I have been working for some time. The question is how do I support these individuals in learning to tolerate their fears and have the peaceful life they each deserve. I have learned that so many of our fears arise out of lessons we learn as children. We learn to be afraid of the things our parents tell us are fearful even when those fears are unrealistic. It is scary to take risks but we must take risks in order to move forward with our lives. The unknown is frightening. We cannot control the environment - people and physical - but we can learn to trust ourselves. This trust is the foundation of being willing to take those chances.
My job is to help these clients to take risks. Through these risks, going to a party, making a telephone call, and the big one, asking for help, they develop a solid foundation for trusting themselves. Being willing to experience fear is very powerful. Willingness means that the individual is open to participating. Willingness does not remove the fear but is allows him or her to see and feel that the feeling of fear won't kill them.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Is there one secret to Parenting?
I often tell clients and friends that the secret to being a good parent lies in the ability to communicate unconditional love through all the lessons that must be taught and/or learned. Everyone makes mistakes. Parents become overwhelmed and make critical remarks, children misunderstand and rebel against the lessons that must be learned. Through all this interaction, when the mother or father is able to show his or her child that he or she is loved, that small person gains the ability to survive the tumultuous experience of growing up.
There are, unfortunately many people out there raising children who are unable to let their sons and daughters know that they are loved and are valuable individuals. And the question is raised: How can people who call themselves parents inflict such horrors on their off-spring? Do those people dislike themselves so much that they are unable to separate their own pain from the sorrows being inflicted on their children?
When working with my clients I am regularly reminded of the fear and anger their parents must have experienced in their own lives to create such pain in the people in my office. I do NOT expect my clients to forgive the mother or father who said and did unspeakably cruel things but in the process of getting stronger and of learning how to care for themselves, they often gain an understanding of their parents' pain. The benefit of this insight enhances their ability to create loving relationships for themselves (first) and then for the significant people in their lives.
There are, unfortunately many people out there raising children who are unable to let their sons and daughters know that they are loved and are valuable individuals. And the question is raised: How can people who call themselves parents inflict such horrors on their off-spring? Do those people dislike themselves so much that they are unable to separate their own pain from the sorrows being inflicted on their children?
When working with my clients I am regularly reminded of the fear and anger their parents must have experienced in their own lives to create such pain in the people in my office. I do NOT expect my clients to forgive the mother or father who said and did unspeakably cruel things but in the process of getting stronger and of learning how to care for themselves, they often gain an understanding of their parents' pain. The benefit of this insight enhances their ability to create loving relationships for themselves (first) and then for the significant people in their lives.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Getting Well:Part I
Getting Well Part I
It ain't easy! When you've lived with depression or fear or anger for a long time, you've learned how to have a life that includes feeling these negative emotions. As you begin to experience the daily events of your life without constant psychic pain, you begin to learn how to feel okay without that pain. Having less or even no emotional sadness can be uncomfortable. You are accustomed to being sad, or angry or fearful. You may even miss it when you realize you have gotten through an afternoon without the unhappiness. You may be surprised that you are able to spend time comfortably with challenging people.
What's happening? Something's missing. What has changed? You are getting stronger. You are gaining skills for accepting who you are without resorting to big emotional outbursts or intense lows. This new feeling comes from the process of getting healthier. Each step along the path to learning how to live inside your skin requires the skills you are now gaining. You are learning how to take care of yourself in an effective and safe fashion.
While you are beginning to feel better, your new found strength may be surprising for some of the people in your life. This change may even make some people uncomfortable. Other people's reaction to your new behavior is one of the painful aspects of getting healthy. Some people will expect you to respond in the way you have always acted. There is nothing wrong with you. You are learning how to take care of yourself in a gentler and kinder fashion. That ability is what you gain from the hard work you are doing in treatment in order to get better.
Give yourself credit for the hard work you are doing and understand that these changes don't always feel comfortable nor are they easy. And congratulate yourself for being willing to hang in with the work even when it isn't comfortable or easy.
It ain't easy! When you've lived with depression or fear or anger for a long time, you've learned how to have a life that includes feeling these negative emotions. As you begin to experience the daily events of your life without constant psychic pain, you begin to learn how to feel okay without that pain. Having less or even no emotional sadness can be uncomfortable. You are accustomed to being sad, or angry or fearful. You may even miss it when you realize you have gotten through an afternoon without the unhappiness. You may be surprised that you are able to spend time comfortably with challenging people.
What's happening? Something's missing. What has changed? You are getting stronger. You are gaining skills for accepting who you are without resorting to big emotional outbursts or intense lows. This new feeling comes from the process of getting healthier. Each step along the path to learning how to live inside your skin requires the skills you are now gaining. You are learning how to take care of yourself in an effective and safe fashion.
While you are beginning to feel better, your new found strength may be surprising for some of the people in your life. This change may even make some people uncomfortable. Other people's reaction to your new behavior is one of the painful aspects of getting healthy. Some people will expect you to respond in the way you have always acted. There is nothing wrong with you. You are learning how to take care of yourself in a gentler and kinder fashion. That ability is what you gain from the hard work you are doing in treatment in order to get better.
Give yourself credit for the hard work you are doing and understand that these changes don't always feel comfortable nor are they easy. And congratulate yourself for being willing to hang in with the work even when it isn't comfortable or easy.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Welcome
Welcome to my beautiful new home!
I'm glad you're here and hope you will find support and answers AND I want to hear your reponse to anything that might be on this blog.
If there are topics about taking care of your psychic health on which you wish information, have questions or comments, please tell me.
Thanks for being here. Keep coming back.
Susan
I'm glad you're here and hope you will find support and answers AND I want to hear your reponse to anything that might be on this blog.
If there are topics about taking care of your psychic health on which you wish information, have questions or comments, please tell me.
Thanks for being here. Keep coming back.
Susan
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Don't Be logical
Okay, that statement does sound strange but sometimes logic or reasonableness doesn't allow us to really solve problems.
To get through these challenging times we need to think in ways that aren't the same old, same old. We need to be willing to look at the problem from a different point of view. Sometimes this different point of view is simply to place ourselves in the other person's shoes.
You may be working to solve a computer problem with the customer service rep in India. I Know! Frustration. However, think about the person on the other end of the line. She or he is doing a job for which they were trained and which they really want to do well.
In attempting to get my computer glitch resolved, I listened to that man on the other end of the line and watched my frustration heighten and then suddenly it hit me. He really wanted to help. The first thing I did was to apologize and state: "I realize you didn't cause this problem and I really appreciate you desire to help."
My attitude moved 180 degrees and together we were able to actually solve the problem. Think in a way that isn't your regular pattern. Look at your attitude or your approach and search for a different direction from which to look at that challenge.
Keep breathing.
To get through these challenging times we need to think in ways that aren't the same old, same old. We need to be willing to look at the problem from a different point of view. Sometimes this different point of view is simply to place ourselves in the other person's shoes.
You may be working to solve a computer problem with the customer service rep in India. I Know! Frustration. However, think about the person on the other end of the line. She or he is doing a job for which they were trained and which they really want to do well.
In attempting to get my computer glitch resolved, I listened to that man on the other end of the line and watched my frustration heighten and then suddenly it hit me. He really wanted to help. The first thing I did was to apologize and state: "I realize you didn't cause this problem and I really appreciate you desire to help."
My attitude moved 180 degrees and together we were able to actually solve the problem. Think in a way that isn't your regular pattern. Look at your attitude or your approach and search for a different direction from which to look at that challenge.
Keep breathing.
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