Grading papers, paying bills and watching birds

Yep. It's been one of those days - weeks. The papers are great and I have to finish all the reading before 5pm tomorrow. Sigh. I also have three appointments and in the midst of all of this work I have learned that a special friend has died.

She was funny and energetic and she introduced me to birding. I never thought I would enjoy standing in the tall grass waiting for that single winged creature to light on the branch hanging over our hidden spot. She took me with a group of serious birders and I discovered following those creatures could be an exciting adventure.

For most birders, it's about collecting a list of birds they have actually seen. For me it has become a much simpler venture - proof that the world is filled with creatures that I can actually find and view even in my own backyard. I am always amazed when I have seen a feathered friend that is rare and generally not found in this location. I love the feeling that I am part of something so much larger than myself and completely out of my control. After a morning (it is always very early when you can spot those unique birds) waiting for a specific creature to land, I am motivated to be more aware of how my behavior impacts their world. While it may sound trite, birding is a powerful influence on my environmental consciousness.

So this message is a thank you to my friend who died this week. She will continue to live through the birding I include in my days.

Summer Plans!?

Already? I've been told it's important to have an activity or event to anticipate. It could be going to the JPL open house next week and satisfying that part of me that has fantasies of exploring a whole untouched and in known world.

And then there's the plan to take a five-day retreat in the forests near Monterey and Carmel. Such a beautiful area in which to sit quietly with no access to phone or internet.

In today's world of constant conflict, it is important for us to take care of ourselves in every possible way. We live in very stressful times. Our relationships are challenging and the world outside our safety zone is constantly changing. We must be strong enough to tolerate those unknown events that we confront daily.

Even something as simple as listening a a favorite piece of music or looking at a favorite piece of art provide a momentary sanctuary from the intensity of the world in which we are living. Choosing simple pleasures regularly make it possible to manage those challenges that are also thrown at us everyday.

Today as I walked the dog I passed a van for a floor finishing business. The van was covered with a famous impressionist painting that is one of my favorites. What a spark of pleasure and humor viewing that truck gave me. And because I was aware of that moment of positive feelings, I was able to handle the three intense calls I have managed this afternoon.

Be aware of those moments of pleasure when they happen. It is those moments that make the rest of the intensity tolerable.

A whole Semester!

I have been so lax - I have spent the past four months preparing for, writing for and teaching my classes in the School of Social work at USC(So. Cal.). Classes are complete for this Spring semester at USC and all that's left is the grading. Sigh.

It has been a truly wonderful semester that taught me as much as I offered my students. Now I get to sort through all the lessons in order to understand what I gained and to enhance the courses for Fall. There is nothing as exciting and simultaneously, as satisfying as participating in the development of new members of the health care community. It is in this experience I get to offer my own experiences as examples of what to do and what to avoid when supporting our clients.

And, yes, the clients - it's always two steps forward and sometimes two steps back. Sometimes it's only one step back and sometimes my clients actually graduate from the hard work of learning how to make the strong choices that demonstrate they are taking good care of themselves.

More later about my lessons and the skills my clients have learned and the next steps in the changes that are ingrained in the work I do.

Procrastination

Putting things off, waiting for the right time and looking for the correct tools for the job. All because we expect certain things of ourselves.

All the descriptions used to explain why a task is not completed, a call not made or a decision is postponed. There are so many pressures on us to perform, to participate and to be present for too many things. Everyday.

Now that we are looking forward to the twelve months ahead isn't it better to look at the possible and the doable and remember that we can perform very well when we do the very best job possible at this very moment.

Expectations are terrible. They get in the way of simply being present and doing the most effective job possible. When we expect a specific outcome we are projecting our view into the future and we are not staying in the present with completion of the task at hand. Expectations are based on something that may have happened in the past and may possibly happen in the future BUT is not happening at this very moment.

Allow yourself to stay in the present and enjoy the process of performing a task with the best skills we have at this moment.

Breathe.

Now to Make Repairs

These past few weeks have been filled with all sorts of nasty little incomplete tasks. First, the new chair that looked wonderful but arrived in parts, then there's the printer that still doesn't work and the bathroom that really needs to be painted.

Nuts and bolts, literally do not respond to the pressure I use to put them into their assigned place, drilling usually requires a couple of tries before (third time is a charm, hmm) I get the item installed and plumbing - well it's better for me not to get involved in anything that requires more than a plunger or reaching into the disposal (yes, it's off).

So the new year begins with several items requiring greater skills in construction than I have ever wanted to have. On the other hand, I have become articulate in describing broken furniture, non-functioning cable lines and computer frustrations. I have even become best friends with a few service people in India (not that I ever wanted them to be an intimate part of my life).

All of the above is to say, the best way to manage our lives is to stay in the present, do the best job possible and don't judge ourselves for being human. Forgive yourself and be kind to the people in your life.

Sigh.

Oh, yes, today this terrible new screech started sounding every time I open the refrigerator door.

Happy 2011.

A New Year: Optimism

A fresh beginning, a new plan, untried options. All of these phrases describe the multitude of possibilities a new year brings. These words can be encouraging AND they can feel like a burden.

Give yourself to permission to not know what may come with this new year. Take the burden of achievement, of all the "musts" and the pressure of completing all those projects, activities and contracts away. Think of the instructions you hear so often: stay in the present. Use one moment at a time. Breathe and allow what is happening simply to happen.

We live in very stressful times and sometimes the only way we can get through the pressures we experience, is to recognize those pressures and NOT respond.

Breathe. Stay in this moment and let go of judgment about anything even yourself.

What does the therapist do

when she's depressed? Well, there are all the wise and effective tools I teach my clients. I start by reminding myself that taking care of my physical health is the first step to managing emotional turmoil.

Have I been getting enough sleep? A really good question for me because I am not going to bed early enough to get as much sleep as I need. And then I ask my client: what's getting in the way of getting the sleep you must have in order to do the work you want to do? How come I can say all these smart words to my client and then not listen to them for myself? While that is a good question for myself, the real issue is that I am not listening to myself.

How can I be so smart for everyone else and not apply it to myself? It is so hard to change the way I behave. Isn't that the bottom line at this moment on my getting beyond these feelings of sadness, and in the big picture, isn't that exactly why getting better, (for any of my clients) is so tough. The benefit of experiencing my own bout with sadness is that I can more effectively teach my clients the simple and often effective tools for getting rid of the depression.

Now (to me) simply breathe. Fix some of that nice veggie soup you made and watch a little mindless TV and GET SOME SLEEP.

Breathe. It will all work out in whatever fashion it works out.

She's quiting. Again

That's what happens with my clients. It's hard work. They begin to feel a little stronger, better and even begin to experience a little joy and then life rears it's ugly head and it all feels too much. The desire to shop - not a little nickel dime shopping but some big thousand dollar splurges - or the urge to do some type of self harm - cut or burn - or the desire to break the three month sobriety all become overwhelming.

All of which is part of the process of getting better. Those urges will be there AND in order to continue the healing process my clients MUST sit with that awful feeling. The wonderful part of sitting with that awful urge is that they do survive the urge. Even when it is at its strongest and most painful, the client can choose to maintain her/his sobriety or her abstinence from the harmful behavior.

She or he is stronger for having sat with the urge and has even earned the right to be very proud of her or him self for taking such good care. Getting better is not easy and is not pain-free, but it can be very freeing and the client learns how to be proud of him/herself for such healthy behavior. Oh, yes, she got through that urge to break her sobriety and kept her next appointment.

Here we go again

New skills. I am in the midst of acquiring more tools for working with my lovely and challenging clients.

Maintaining the license requires getting continuing education units which is fun, interesting and really time consuming. The classes are always scheduled to conflict with my schedule. Right now I am missing the classes I teach on Thursday and Friday. Sigh. I do enjoy those classes.

This seminar is adding to the direction into which I can lead my clients as we work to decrease their pain. This seminar focuses on another means for connecting people with feelings so they learn how other people respond to them. Simple description for a really powerful skill.

In the midst of all these new skills, I am continuing to remind myself to breathe, absorb the information and take a moment to simply be present with what is happening right now, this very moment.

More to come.

Help!

The therapist needs help! Well actually two types of help.

Among the challenges this summer was the loss of a dear friend who was a long time support. This special person was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I had to find someone else to provide support. A real challenge for someone who calls herself "the therapist of last resort". Don't I have answers to everything?

This experience has taught me that searching for answers is an indication that I am willing to understand my own vulnerabilities. A tough assignment and one that was not easy for me to learn; however, this summer allowed me to begin the lesson. I am actually excited about the new resources that I have found. The insight and skills I am forced to learn are increasing the support I am able to provide my clients.

On the other hand, I need help adapting to my newly acquired, "Rolls Royce of all computers". Well, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but it is a fine, lovely Mac Book Pro and I am still overwhelmed with its power and functions.

More to come.